Today is my first day as an unemployed person. Last night I kept dreaming that I was late for work; the irony.
I have very mixed feelings about my new status, which I’ve been thinking about and trying to make sense of. I feel a bit at a loss. Who am I now? I’ve been a person with a title for the last 26 years. I’ve had something to type under my signature in emails, bona fides to throw out there to get people to take my calls, an answer to the oft-asked question, “What do you do?”
I know I’m not a lesser person now that I’m unemployed, and I do have freelance jobs lined up, but it still feels so weird! And I already miss my job at Knitting Daily. I loved it so much, and I was really sad to leave. I decided to move on, but only because Interweave pulled everyone into the office in Fort Collins, and I didn’t want to move. I live in Spokane, WA, and I can’t uproot my family. And even though it was my choice, it feels a bit like I was let go, at the very least not fought for or supported. But those are my feelings—no one ever said anything like that to me, and I really love all of the people I worked with. They are quality folks, and I’ll miss them. Everyone says they want to keep in touch, but it really doesn’t happen, which is sad. Although, I’m hoping with Facebook and freelance jobs, I do keep in touch with people!
This November has been HARD, and it’s only the 16th. With my job ending, the election, and the hateful stuff going on in the country, it’s a challenge. Two particularly horrid things happened around here (that I know about, there may be more), in Spokane and Pullman, WA, home of Washington State University, my alma mater. In Spokane, someone spray painted the N-word in huge letters on the side of our Martin Luther King Family Outreach Center, and kids and families saw it. People gathered there quickly to paint over it, which was wonderful, but what a terrible thing to have happen in our community.
In Pullman, someone spray painted (should we ban spray paint??) FAGGOT all over someone’s car. What the??? That’s not so easy, or cheap, to fix, not to mention the emotional damage done. What have we unleashed with this election cycle? There’s so much hate going around, and it seems it’s only getting worse.
I did have a really bright spot this week, though. My friend Sue works at Serial Knitters, a wonderful yarn shop in Kirkland, WA. She sent me a gorgeous skein of Hedgehog Fibers Sock Yarn, in the color Vengeance. Isn’t it pretty?
Sue and I were at a knitting retreat last month, and she showed me some other colors of this yarn, and I just love it. I hadn’t had the chance to see any Hedgehog Fibers before then, and I was so glad to actually touch it! Really beautiful yarn.
I love deep, rich colors, and Vengeance is all of that! I’m not a big fan of sock knitting, though, so I think it’ll be a shawl or maybe a small-gauge beanie. It’s supposed to be cold an snowy here this winter, so I’ll need a good hat.
What do you think I should knit with this? Give me some pattern ideas!
Well, enough for today. I’ll be back soon. Take good care, everyone; these are tough times.
Hugs to you all!
The Craftermath 
Lovely to read your first post since leaving Knitting Daily. I really used to enjoy reading your emails and was saddened to read your update last week announcing you were leaving.
I was shocked to read about the hateful things that have happened in your area since the election. I’m from the UK, living in London, England and all we know here is what we’ve seen on the news in the run up to the election and what each party says. To read the realities of how it affects communities really brings home the fact that it isn’t just a news story but circumstances that affect people’s lives. Just like us here and the effects of Brexit.
Anyhoo that hedgehog fibres yarn looks lovely – ah please please can I convince you to give a sock a go?! For my part I’m a sock knitting obsessive and to think you’ve got that gorgeous yarn there and won’t be turning a heel with it makes me a little anxious hahaha!
Sabrina
LikeLiked by 2 people
Best of luck to you, Kathleen, in this next chapter of your life. I live in New England and we too have had upsetting things happening. Hang in there; hopefully things will get better. I look forward to reading your blog. Keep on knitting . It is what keeps us sane in this crazy world. That and family! Wishing you much success. Eileen F.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree about this election. The hate he’s unleased is horrendous and the outcome has left me feeling very unsettled. It is very unnerving to not know whether you can believe what the new President says anytime he talks. Or count on him to do the right things for the country, rather than what will enrich himself, let alone whether he has the discipline not to start a nuclear war when provoked. There is also talk about cutting Social Security and Medicare, which is another frightening prospect for those of us near or at retirement age. Protecting the planet is another. I could go on and on. I would love for him to prove me wrong.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kathleen, being unemployed sucks (ask me how I know), but I’m convinced that it will lead to bigger and better things! See, my sister already sent you a present 😀 I, too, am saddened and shocked by the sheer horribleness of this month thus far. It has caused me to really think about my beliefs — and to donate my few spare dollars to causes I wish to support.
Vengeance is perfect and a pretty little scarf would be lovely. Hedgehog is super nice to knit with!
Hugs to you
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Laurie!
LikeLike
Kathleen,
Good day to you!! To answer your quick question – you should knit whatever makes your heart smile.
To respond to what I “felt”, I will do my best to keep it short.
Your transition period is so very familiar to me- the loss of work, change, looking towards what seems like a future that may not be so crystal clear, and coming to the realization that you had gleaned comfort from your former status. You will be fine. Life always has a way of working itself out if you do not quit!! (I’m keeping it short by refusing to elaborate on the horrific last eight years of my life and the lessons that I’ve learned 😉). Our country will recover. It’s been sickening to be forced to confront a reality that we thought we’d put behind us. In part we have, just fifty short years ago would the taunts have made the news? We notice the ugliness because we have declared as an intelligent, moral, committed people that bigotry is wrong and it has no place in our society. Enjoy the contrast and do not allow the ugliness to suck you into it’s dark abyss. Especially while you are emotionally vulnerable. Fifty years ago would children have “rushed” to cover the hateful words? No.
This rise of hateful behavior is sobering, suffocating (if we allow it to be), and telling. If we focus on the suffocation we will fail. However, if we take record of how much work we must do it will ignite a renewed fight to abolish bigotry and hatred. We can do it. We cannot abolish what we cannot see. We cannot remove the toxin that we are unaware of. Had this toxic portion of our culture not been exposed it could have been like termites silently destroying our foundation. Now that we know our status we are able to assess correctly that we have made tremendous progress and still there is much hatred, ignorance, and bigotry to abolish. Constant pressure over time! We fight on!
Knit, breathe, and guard your thoughts- they direct our lives. Look at this as a new beginning. You made a good decision to put your family first, it really is the only thing that matters. You never know who may be looking to start an online publication and you could be the answer. Do not fear.
Last week I heard a quote that spoke to me… ” They killed us, but they ain’t whooped us yet…”
Onward girl!
Nedra
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Nedra. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment—I really appreciate it. I’m glad you’re with me here! Take care, Kathleen
LikeLike
Hi Nedra. I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I really appreciate your advice! I am trying to keep the Love Trumps Hate mantra in my heart, but it’s hard when I keep hearing about all the nastiness. But there is good, too, and I’m seeing a little of that poke through, too. Here’s to the good that’s out there!
Take care, Kathleen
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes Ma’am, agreed. I’m enjoying the comments that people leave for you with such encouraging words! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday and look forward to great things to come in the new year. It’s difficult to fathom that 2017 is upon us.
All the best to you! We will speak soon!
Nedra
LikeLike
Thank you for deciding to do a blog. They clearly should have kept you– I think they will see a serious dip in their sales! Also thanks for sharing the news of hate. We live in a bit of a bubble in Princeton,NJ
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lovely post Kath!! Titles do not make the person. You are wonderful just being you. That is enough. “Nuff said!:-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Kathleen, I can relate to how you are feeling. I had a similar experience where I wen’t from being “somebody” to really being a “nobody” I found out how much of me was about my career and how the person had gotten lost. That was many years ago and I survived but it took sometime for me adjust.
You are well known in your industry and I’m sure your light won’t be under a bushel basket for long. I wish you all the best and will look forward to following you in your freelance career.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love sock knitting myself, but I know it makes others crazy! Why not try the dragonwing shawl pattern on Ravelry? It works up great with sock yarn.
LikeLike
That’s a gorgeous pattern! I’ll put it in my favorites. Thanks for the suggestion.
LikeLike
Hi Kathy — You are going to be great. I need your help. Around last July 18th or 19th you posted the most beautiful brioche cowl pattern that was interwoven with a slot on the side and the panel was inserted through the slot. I lost the email on my computer and I would love to find the name of this pattern. If you know the pattern can you give me the name.
LikeLike
Hi Marie. I looked and this is all I could find. I hope it’s what you’re looking for.
http://www.interweave.com/article/knitting/brioche-stitch-is-yummy/
LikeLike
While the hate is awful I am trying to look at it as an ugly boil that has been brought to a head and lanced open through the election and, hopefully, will dissipate. Even though I am a straight white woman, I have gay friends and friends from various ethnic backgrounds; my anxiety went up after the election so I cannot imagine what it’s like for them… We all have to remember that love begets love and peace begets peace in our responses to things even though we are all discouraged about the election results. Another thing I hang onto is that “we the people” actually elected Hillary so the majority of Americans voted for her in the popular vote! That fact, in itself, is reason to rejoice and focus on.
LikeLike
Dear Kathleen,
Our society is so focused on “producing” vs “being”. I have spent a long time dealing with physical ailments and have had to come to terms with, “if you can’t keep up” you get dropped as a friend and if you are “out of the loop” job-wise you are forgotten. It took a long time to realize that I am OK being me and nothing else… Now you, on the other hand, have tons of people that love you that you’ve never even met in person and you are very well known in our knitting circles so anything you have to say will be very relevant and well received. I, for one, am hoping that you start writing a book with strands of knitting woven through it! In the meantime, just “be” and you’ll see, before you know it, you are OK being you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lin. This is a great reminder for me and I really appreciate your support!
LikeLike
Love always trumps hate! Whoooo hooooo!
LikeLike
From Paris : I already miss your Knitting daily messages. Happily, you have a blog. About the political situation, I have no right to write
a word, being non American. But we are grateful to the boys who fought the Nazis, and died when they delivered us. I am confident that America is a place of respect, where people who have different opinions live together. You have friends, Kathleen, all over the world. Hold on! The bad times are not going to last!
Marguerite.
LikeLike
Thanks, Marguerite! I appreciate your thoughts. Take care.
LikeLike
Hi Kathleen– I’m glad you are still blogging, and Interweave has clearly lost more than they know. I had a similar experience after the crash of 2008– in early 2009, my employer (it was a local county, so it was affected a lot by the crash) let go of all their part-time health-care employees. I was one of them, I was offered a full-time position, but with three young kids, I couldn’t take it. It took a couple of years of cobbling together work, but in 2011 I found a much better job, and I’m still there.
The election has really unleashed the meanest, dirtiest people in the country– but from being in the Pantsuit Nation FB group, I think it has unleashed the bravest and most decent too. I read a great speech about how we have been a very tolerant society, to the extent that we have tolerated intolerance, and we can’t do that anymore. I hope this election leads to a movement on the Left on the scale of the Tea Party. Fingers crossed.
LikeLike
Thanks so much for writing! I’m glad to have you here. I love being a part of Pantsuit Nation; all the stories are so touching and many have lifted my spirits. Now if we can only get those recounts going in the other two states. Happy knitting.
LikeLike
Hang in there. I agree with so many of the comments. It will work out. You have many skills and experiences which will serve you well. Life is always interesting for sure. Happy Thanksgiving, BER
LikeLike
hello Kathleen, So happy to read your first post as a freelance! I just love how you write and share with us what you do as a knitter but also what you go through as a person. Maybe you could make a sockhead slouch hat or any hat ! That’s what I do when the yarn is too beautiful to hide in my shoes, because yes I love making socks. Please continue to write!
LikeLike